Rediscover Love in Your Relationship
In this article, you will learn about the five fundamental elements of a good relationship.
You will also get some good advice on how to improve your relationship.
Setting boundaries and healthy communication will be described, as well as 9 specific tips on how to increase trust, security, and respect with your partner.
If it is too difficult to change some things in your daily life and the dynamics between you, you might consider counseling for married couples near me in Copenhagen or online on Skype to speed up the process and make it easier for yourselves.
To have a good and loving relationship, you must focus on five fundamental elements:
- Understanding
- Trust
- Security
- Respect for each other
- Forgiveness
Lack of understanding, trust, security, and respect for each other are the most common themes in many relationships.
If you are struggling with your relationship, here are some tips to help you with understanding and thus develop greater trust, security, and respect for your partner.
We all make mistakes from time to time.
Therefore, it is important to be able to forgive yourself and others – especially your partner if there have been betrayals in the relationship.
“You hold the key to a happy relationship.
It is on the inside of the door.”
You should not expect your partner to create the good relationship.
You are responsible for your own life and happiness.
Your partner is just an extra bonus and the “icing on the cake.”
Click here to read more about what couples coaching entails.
Understanding
Understanding is crucial for it to work.
Both understanding yourself and your partner.
Understanding leads to meaning.
When something makes sense, you are more receptive and accommodating.
You need to understand both yourself and your partner, but first and foremost, you must understand the other before you can expect to be understood.
To understand, you must be able to communicate.
Not overthinking what could be.
It is not enough to just exchange words and opinions.
You need to agree on some firm, safe, secure boundaries within which you can express yourselves – without risking criticism or blame.
Trust
How do you experience trust?
You do this, for example, when your partner says something, and you believe it.
When you feel honesty, integrity, loyalty, and respect at the core of your relationship.
You also expect your partner to keep promises and confidences, and to stay with you even when times get tough.
Lack of trust makes it difficult to rediscover love in the relationship.
How do you build trust yourself?
First and foremost by acquiring self-confidence.
It does not come from outside.
Others can inspire you, but it is you who must mobilize the motivation to do something to gain self-confidence.
Rebuild trust in the relationship – for your own sake, for your partner’s, and also for the children’s sake if you have any.
You must show and give trust.
The key is that your partner FEELS the trust.
It is not enough that only you feel you are giving trust.
If it is not perceived as trust by your partner, you are back to square one.
Do not wait to show trust until you feel it yourself.
Both of you may end up waiting a long time…
Too much trust can be naive.
Too little trust in your partner obviously creates many problems, including that you will not be able to fully commit.
Security
How do you experience security?
You do this, among other things, by your partner saying things in a proper way.
Both men and women need to feel secure in their relationships.
It is a basic physical as well as emotional need.
How do you create security?
First and foremost by having self-care and creating security yourself, meaning not relying on security from another or something else.
Secondly, you must give security, for the same reason as above.
Your partner must FEEL secure.
It is not enough to say there is security if your partner feels insecure.
Too much security indicates security addiction, or that you have come to take each other for granted.
Too little security causes stress – and insecurity.
Respect for Each Other
If there is a lack of respect in the relationship, it will take great resources to regain trust and security.
How do you experience respect?
You feel respect when your partner respects you for who you are.
And when your partner has a self-responsible attitude, meaning they reflect back to themselves.
Respect for others is, for example, being on time and keeping agreements.
Respect means you feel free to be yourself, speak honestly and freely, and make decisions and compromises together.
How do you create respect yourself?
You do this by gaining self-respect, which means standing up for yourself, having healthy natural boundaries, and high self-esteem.
And you do it by showing deep and honest respect for others. Again, so that THEY perceive it as respectful.
You need to communicate to find out if your respectful actions are also perceived as respectful.
Too much respect can result in over-respect in the form of subservience, conformity, and becoming a doormat in the relationship.
Too little respect can manifest as superiority, arrogance, and indifference.
But How Is “Respect” Actually Interpreted?
How can you respect each other?
Here is a harsh video from the film “Flickering Lights,” where the woman is disrespectful to the man without knowing or wanting it.
It has some serious consequences for her.
For good reasons, she might think she is innocent, but she is not.
Trust, security, and respect begin and end with yourself
and your personal development:
Who you ARE, and what you DO.
If you do not create self-confidence, self-care, and self-respect yourself, it will be like trying to fill a bathtub with water, but there is no plug in the drain.
And the drain is larger than the faucet from which the water comes.
Setting Boundaries in a Relationship
In any relationship, it is essential to understand the importance of setting boundaries and conducting a thorough expectation alignment. These fundamental elements form the basis of a healthy and sustainable partnership. Communication is key, and it is crucial to rediscover love in the relationship through effective communication and understanding each other’s love language.
Many couples face challenges such as low self-esteem, co-dependency, and constant conflicts. When one’s partner seems angry all the time or has difficulty handling criticism, it can be a source of stress and insecurity in the relationship. It is important to address these issues and prevent them from developing into destructive patterns.
Another challenge may arise when one’s partner lies, undermines one’s self-esteem, or prioritizes one lowly. This can lead to feelings of being overlooked and not respected. In situations where one’s partner only thinks of themselves, or where the thought of divorce arises, it is crucial to take action and consider professional help like couple therapy.
The Path to Healthy Communication
Relationships go through different phases, and it is important to understand that crises can arise. The therapist plays a central role in helping couples handle these challenges and rebuild the relationship. In the case of an impending divorce, it is important to take steps to understand what you want and how to move forward best.
Being a therapist involves navigating these complex dynamics and helping couples build strong foundations for their relationship. Couple therapy can be crucial in overcoming difficulties and creating a more loving and sustainable partnership.
Forgiveness
Forgive people in your life – even those who do not regret their actions or behavior.
You do not have to approve of their actions. Just forgive.
Forgiveness is an act. It is not a feeling.
Forgiveness is not erasing your memory.
Forgiveness is what you say. Not what is going on in your head or heart.
Forgiveness is saying: ”I forgive you. I will never use it against you in the future. I will never talk about it again, either to you or to others.”
Be aware that you do not forgive them for their sake. You forgive them for your own sake.
If you continue to be angry and hold on to your bitterness, it does more harm to yourself than to them. It’s a bit like holding glowing coals in your bare hands and throwing them at someone you hope to hit.
Forgiveness does not erase the past but can open up possibilities for the future.
Forgiveness can happen immediately. But afterward, trust needs to be rebuilt, and that can take a long time.
The biggest communication problem with a lack of respect in a relationship is that people do not listen to understand their partner, but instead only listen to be able to respond to their partner.
What is missing in many relationships is:
1) security and trust that you will be listened to without feeling criticized, blamed, judged, or similar, and
2) specific communication tools and strategies to express yourself respectfully without risking sounding like you are criticizing, blaming, or judging or similar.
The Toilet Seat
Many years ago, when I attended Technical College to become an engineer, one of my classmates had to do an internship.
He was normally a blunt and carefree type, but after his internship at the factory that manufactured toilet seats, he never again used the term “toilet seat.”
He learned respect for the product and changed his language.
Consequences of Lack of Respect in Relationships
Everything we experience is a consequence of our choices.
So if you are not satisfied with what you have and are, there is something in your choices that you must adjust going forward.
Here is a small tip to determine if you are on the right track in your relationship or not:
If you feel that you are helping out at home, something is wrong.
For both men and women. You should not help out.
You should either be or not be.
Based on mutual expectations, you should agree on a fair distribution of responsibilities at home.
Of course, you should take responsibility for your own tasks – and be proud of it.
Be aware that there is something in your behavior that creates the reality you experience.
If you are not satisfied with the facts and reality, fortunately, you can do something about it.
When you take responsibility for your own life, you also have the chance to shape it to achieve the happiness, love, and abundance you desire.
Exercise:
Think about five things that have happened to you in your daily life over the past 24 hours and write them down on a note.
Include as many details as possible, as it is the small things that make up everyday life.
We often forget to appreciate what we have and are because we take it for granted and it has become routine.
There may be many small hidden details in your daily life that, with the right focus, can make your life happier.
Write it all down so you become more aware of what your life contains, and thus better able to appreciate what is.
Here are 9 specific tips on how you can increase trust, security, and respect with your partner:
- Keep the secrets you hear from your partner – and from everyone else.
Sharing freely what your partner has told you can easily destroy trust. - As often as possible, talk face-to-face instead of over the phone and internet.
Communication with presence, eye contact, and touch will help you build a greater sense of security, and you will become more open and dare to be vulnerable with each other. - Show your partner that their wishes and feelings have value. Take your partner seriously.
- Always keep your promises. Even the small ones. To everyone. If you say you will be somewhere at a specific time, do everything you can to keep it.
Small daily actions help build a strong foundation of trust, security, and respect. - Be good at apologizing when you make mistakes or disappoint your partner.
An authentic apology should be sincere and come from the heart. Take responsibility for your actions and reassure your partner.
It is not a sign of strength but of weakness and low self-esteem not to be able to acknowledge your mistakes and shortcomings.
Be aware that your partner must be able to perceive it as a genuine apology.
It may not be enough just to SAY sorry.
Maybe your partner prefers that you spend quality time together.
Or that you do them a big favor.
Or a gift.
Or a proper bear hug.
You won’t know until you find out. - Spend time together and apart.
Do things that make each of you happy.
As you are two different people, and this will become more apparent over time, it is healthy to have your own interests and needs.
Be open to new experiences and accept the gifts that come.
Also, take the initiative to do something together. - Give space to both your own and your partner’s feelings.
If you are a man, you may be tempted to “embellish” your feelings. It is completely natural, but not very appropriate for your woman.
Save it instead for your friends.
If you are a woman, be aware that your feelings can be overwhelming for your man.
And remember that if your man says it is so, then it is so.
It is important to acknowledge, accept, and give space to the feelings that are there.
No matter how small or large they are. - Be supportive and provide security and encouragement to your partner.
Also, let your partner know when you need support.
Being at the top of the prioritization triangle means you can clearly feel and express your needs.
Healthy relationships are about building each other up, not tearing each other down. - Trust, security, and respect can vary over time and situations.
There will always be bumps in life.
Remember that you must first and foremost take responsibility for giving yourself self-confidence, self-care, and self-respect before you can feel trust, security, and respect from your partner.
These nine points will further strengthen the foundation for a good relationship between you.
It’s not about becoming happy, but about becoming happier.
Do You Thrive ♥ – or Does It Hurt in the Relationship?
- I can save and improve your relationship quickly and effectively with specific communication tools and strategies so you can understand each other.
- If the relationship is in chaos with anxiety, anger, confusion or stress, there may be a need for overview, structure, and clear common rules to create mutual understanding for each other.
- I am a kind of driving instructor who teaches the “Traffic Rules of Relationships”.
In a way, it involves theory, parallel parking, city driving, night driving, and skid training.
All of this mustbe learned thoroughly before finding your own driving style – also in the relationship!
If you want to find out if I can help you and your partner, please call me at phone +45 – 21 79 18 50
See more articles in English at www.parforhold-parterapi.dk/couples-therapist about couples counseling, couple therapy, couples coaching and couples therapy Copenhagen.