A Better Relationship
Do you experience that the relationship can be hard – with misunderstandings and perhaps arguments about disagreements?
If you feel unseen and unheard, and have difficulty understanding your partner’s way of being, you are not alone.
When two different people live together, conflicts will ALWAYS arise at some point.
In reality, it’s not the problems that are the problem.
Rather, it’s the way you handle and “land” the problems that create challenges, pain – and divorces.
Couple coaching is about changing habits and creating understanding and aligning expectations – perhaps with new and different ways of communicating with each other.
And couple coaching is also about becoming happy together – and learning to enjoy life and each other.
Understanding is created through appropriate communication, and basically, it involves learning some new skills, habits, and strategies.
Expectation alignment also occurs through communication, where both parties express themselves freely and honestly within certain boundaries.
This way, you can find the shared values in the relationship.
If it is too complicated to resolve difficulties in the relationship, you can reach out to couples therapist in Copenhagen.
Couple Coaching – What is it? Is it dangerous?
What is holding you back from using problem-solving tools?
It’s only been about 100 years since people started taking an interest in improving relationships professionally.
It started in Germany and quickly continued in the USA.
See https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Couples_therapy
People often hesitate or shrink back from deciding whether to seek or not to seek couples coaching or therapy.
1. First of all, you need to ask yourself what you want and desire.
Not only material things, but perhaps more importantly what you want in your life, in your relationship, in your family, and with your work.
Make a list. It makes it concrete.
Most people, for example, would like to have (more):
- Happiness
- Understanding
- Trust
- Security
- Respect
- Acceptance
- Love
- Solidarity
- Fun
- Intimacy
- Recognition
- Friendship … etc.
2. Secondly, you need to find out how motivated you are to achieve these things.
Motivation is super important to get things done.
It is the fuel that drives you and you both forward.
How much do you want to achieve a better situation?
How important is it to you?
How will it feel when you achieve it?
3. Thirdly, you need to assess what the consequences are if you don’t get what you want.
How would you like to look back on your life when it’s nearing its end?
Have you made the most of your time while you were here?
Or have you put up with too much?
Or are you missing something? Have you missed out on something?
Where will you be in 5 years if there is no positive change in your life, and everything just continues unchanged?
What needs to happen for you to create a change?
Timing
Unfortunately, many wait too long to change bad habits, inappropriate conditions, and painful circumstances.
Timing is crucial when it comes to marriage counseling or couple coaching/therapy when there are problems in the relationship.
Some couples continue to discuss the same issues over and over for years without communicating properly, effectively, and honestly.
They THINK they are communicating, but in reality, they are just exchanging words and opinions – and feel unheard or misunderstood.
Conflicts are an inevitable part of any relationship, but it’s important to choose your battles wisely in any relationship.
Boundaries
Satisfaction in the relationship has much to do with how the partner is able to read and empathize with each other’s feelings.
To feel the love, you must first be able to understand each other.
Next, you need to be able to give your partner what they want, – and when both do this, they each feel the love.
It’s also important to be able to set healthy natural boundaries, so you are not overrun – and that you trust that your partner is able to set boundaries, so you don’t inadvertently hurt or similar.
This also has a lot to do with honesty and expectation alignment.
Why Couple Coaching
Researchers have conducted studies where they asked each participant to describe an episode where their partner made them angry or disappointed (e.g., a betrayal or a lie).
The couples were then asked to present the situation to their partner and discuss the problem for about 10 minutes.
During that time, they gained a greater understanding of what had happened.
The conversations were videotaped.
Afterward, the participants watched their own videotape and continuously assessed their emotional reactions throughout the conversation on a scale from “very negative” to “neutral” to “very positive.”
The researchers then selected six 30-second clips with the highest negative or positive emotional ratings.
Participants watched these clips again and rated their own and their partner’s feelings, as well as their partner’s efforts to be empathetic.
To many’s surprise, the “reality” often did not match their own perception of what happened and had happened.
Women and Men
It also surprised the researchers that women were more likely to be satisfied with the relationship when they could read their partner’s anger or frustration than when they felt happy themselves.
This doesn’t mean that women revel in pain and suffering, but rather that they prefer negative emotions over withdrawal or silence.
When women see their male partners share negative feelings, they see it as a sign of attachment, openness, and communication.
Women have a hard time with men withdrawing during conflicts (which is a completely natural reaction for men).
Conversely, men have a hard time with their wife’s or girlfriend’s negativity.
While the women in the study were happier when their man knew they were frustrated, this knowledge made the men unhappy.
Men’s happiness and satisfaction are related to their ability to feel and see their partner’s happiness.
Practical Help
If you need a helping hand with your relationship, I offer, among other things, a free clarifying coaching session, where we can find out if I am the right person to help you, and how it can proceed.
If you wish, I will call you back.
Just fill out the form below.
(If I don’t get back to you within 1-2 days as expected, there is a risk that I may not have received your inquiry, so please send me an SMS or call me.)
Communication in Relationships
The study concludes that the more communicative and empathetic men and women try to be in their relationships, the happier the relationship.
But there is a difference between men and women!
A man feels best when his woman:
- is good at communicating what makes her happy in the relationship
- expresses it in a way that he can easily read and understand
- and the best thing for the man is that he can feel that it is he who has made her happy
Women, on the other hand, want to know when the man is sad, frustrated, angry, or similar.
Even though it is uncomfortable for the man to express these feelings, it means that women feel more comfortable and secure in the relationship.
Men prefer to solve their problems themselves rather than involving others – and they want to “protect” the woman from too many problems.
THEREFORE, things often go wrong between the genders.
– The man is happy when his woman is happy.
– The woman is happy if her man understands when and why she is sad.
What Can Couple Coaching Help With?
The relationship can be difficult, but for both parties, it is important to try to understand each other. Even if it is done clumsily or “wrong”, it is better than not doing anything.
If you want to find out if I can help you and your partner, please call me at phone +45 – 21 79 18 50
See more articles in English at www.parforhold-parterapi.dk/couples-therapist about couples counseling, couple therapy, couples coaching and couples therapy Copenhagen.